I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
