I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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