she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
