guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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