Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
