3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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