I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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