I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
