I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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