So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
