just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
