The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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