she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
