Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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