The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
