yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
