My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
