...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
