Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
