its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
