We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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