So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
