Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
