We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
