What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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