He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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