the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
