just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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