she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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