I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
