dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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