Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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