I am puke
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
