if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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