i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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