I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
