so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
