I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
