Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
