I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
