Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
