you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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