i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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