Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
