I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
