i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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