No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
