Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were trust falling into bushes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
