I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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