Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
