Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
