What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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