so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
nutella sex= disaster
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
