Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
