So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
