I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
