Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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