I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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