im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
