do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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