So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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