Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
