Someone shit on the floor
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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