I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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