Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
