My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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