i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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