I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
