$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
