I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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