marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
is this the sara with the beer cane?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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