I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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