The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
