dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
