a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
