I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
