Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
