i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
