Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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