I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
